2004-08-12 - 8:54 p.m.
killing time, waiting to go to the come back inn with resh, etc.
i just popped in a smoking popes cd. thinking of erik, missing erik. he never contacted me after he moved to san diego, and i dont have his info. id have to beg it off a friend, and thats just demeaning. oh well, i guess ill have to wait around until he gets all sentimental about me. that usually happens once or twice a year. i wonder how he is doing.
i made a big move today, calling lara from work, seeing if she wants to go out tonight. it turned out good. lara is so sweet, she gets SO HAPPY. like she jumps up and down and smiles big and giggles.
---ugh!---
for some unknown reason i felt obligated just now to give j. a call. she is so annoying and such a downer. now shes obsessed with nuclear power. she spends her free time studying the horrors of it all. yuck. i cannot be around people like that anymore. i cant be around people who wont take responsibility for their own happiness or unhappiness.
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so im trying to take more responsibility for my own happiness. hence the scary calling-lara-from-work incident. i guess we've hung out before, going to see Fahrenheit 911 and going to the modest mouse show. i was also gonna call mick from work, since he seems to know the jennies who i know now, but im chickening out in that respect. maybe next week. well, i told him he should hang out with us more, and if hes not going to call one of the jennies or me then thats his loss!!
what else besides people is going to make me happy? i have to start gathering the materials. the new apartment will be a happy boost for sure. i went there today to put our houseplants in the backyard. theres a pretty backyard, and two porches. it looks awesome.
what else?!?! yoga classes. good books. good music. parks and fresh air. make some art, those forms stuck in my head. good food, cooking. keep up the yummy sex. keep up the fantasies, the imagination games and wild dreams.
ok ok i can do this. school will be a major hindrance, and its starting up in a couple weeks. but i can still do it. i can live without straight As. and after this year, ill never have to do school again.
