2004-10-08 - 4:14 p.m.
how does it feel (for me) to be in a relationship for 4 years? (trying to answer bonnylisbon's question...)
i'm 23, and did not expect to be in a long term relationship at this point in my life. 19 is really young to have met my life-partner, and so i try to analyze the situation as thoroughly as possible. i guess i just don't want mistakes to be made.
i am happy to have brian. he makes my life cheerful, stable, and complex. i love him very much, and everyday i get to know him at a deeper and deeper level. taking the work to understand him is part of loving him.
i don't believe in true love. that's too depressing. what if your true love dies? are you stuck being alone forever? i don't buy it. i think i loved my former long termish boyfriend just as much as i love brian. however, love takes understanding and work, and i didn't have those skills as a teenager.
brian and i are together after all this time because we are constantly thinking and talking about our relationship and ourselves. we tell each other what we like, what is bothering us, and what changes need to be made.
sometimes we get to points where things seem stagnant. these are times we have to work the hardest. we have to find new ways to be together. like, if "being the couple that has sex and watches movies together" gets too boring, then we have to build off of that. we become something different, and more complex, like "the couple that has sex, watches movies, cooks, shares friends, and discusses literature together."
we have to both keep growing as individuals as well. we can't rely on the other to make life meaningful, interesting, or worthwhile.
we have to be very realistic about how well our lives and goals match up. its very hard to stay with someone when a conflict is looming in the future. i remember how hard it was for my sister to live with her boyfriend, knowing that in a few months they would be parting ways. so brian and i have to talk about the future. we have to figure out what goals we have in common, where the conflicts are, and where the compromises and sacrifices have to be made. and we have to be honest with ourselves. we have to admit that staying together isn't worth it if it makes us unhappy or dissatisfied with life.
i love brian so much! its so rewarding having this love and relationship - its not fate, its work and commitment. we learn how to love each other. we've meshed into each other's lives. we have this common sense of humor, and many ways of communicating that go beyond just words. we are sometimes more satisfied eating homemade popcorn in our pajamas then going to a fancy restaurant or party. we are immensely comfortable with one another, and this is a constant source of pleasure whenever we are together.
ok, thats all i can think of. four years. four bush years! ick! well, if our love can survive this evil embarrassment for a president, it probably can survive anything.
