2005-03-26 - 10:11 a.m.
i'm at my parents house today with Brian. we got here a couple nights ago, mostly because of my dad's birthday.
i keep having anxiety fits about my life, everything. but, i don't feel like i'm accomplishing much in the way of overcoming my obstacles or solving my problems.
i did apply to two jobs for next year. that's better than doing nothing. but still, i should probably be appling for 5 or 10 more.
even if i get one of those jobs, i don't know if i can take it. i'd have to move to milwaukee for one. the other one is close to madison, but brian might want to leave the state next year for grad school.
my dad's foot is rotting already. he has diabetes, but somehow still doesn't feel the need to exercise, or quit wine and sugar. that really pisses me off.
my mom is depressed about her mother dying. i don't know how to help her with that.
my mom gave me a depression test. it's supposed to tell me whether or not i have problems with depression. hmm. i wonder what it's going to say about me. gee.
i'm trying to think of a way out of the last month of student teaching. as of May 15, i will be graduated. the middle school goes on until June 10. there has got to be a way out of it. i know a couple people got out of it last year, because they were so miserable. i'm miserable too! i want out too!
someday, maybe not until after the next 11 weeks, but someday, i will have something fun and cheerful and wonderful to write about.
i do have brian, he's pretty fucking wonderful. we're engaged now, in a somewhat secret, private, official way. i mean, we've been committed for a long time, but now we've agreed to share our insurance plan in the future, and file our taxes jointly. very exciting.
