2004-08-12 - 8:00 p.m.
theres nothing to do at work. nobody seems to be visiting the public library this summer. i told gabe to go home early. he was pretty gleeful. hes a couple years older than i am, but i think he looks up to me as a sort of bad ass or something. like, i encourage stretching out our miserably short 15 minute breaks. i applaud his recent habit of taking naps in a dark corner. i admitted to being a member of the top secret call-in-when-youre-not-really-sick club.
and here i am writing in my diary when im supposed to be working. B A D A S S. thats me.
i was really scared that gabe heard me and erika grace talking about him the other day. she hates all the shit he does around here - the naps, the laziness, the calling in sick. i, being a badass, dont really care what he does, as long as it doesnt increase my workload. but, i played her little game. im scared of erika grace! she bitches about a lot of people, and complains about boring shifts. i dont want her to bitch about me, and i certainly dont want to be called "boring." so, while i didnt actually say that i disapproved of gabes behavior, i did add fuel to her fire by informing her of extra juicy gabe details she hadnt yet heard of. i also said something mean about how he is acting the way i did when i was 19 and angsting/damning the man. that was mean. im going to try not to do that anymore, even when im around erika grace.
after todays shift working with gabe, im fairly confidant he didnt hear what we said. still, the karma guilt is heavy. regret shames me into hopefully changing my behavior.
