2004-08-08 - 6:30 p.m.
brian and i just came back from chicago, where we celebrated his niece's birthday.
...
sex break! that was yummy good! but too quick, i had to get him to work right away. luckily id been doing kegels in the car all the way from chicago, so i was all warmed up.
...
there was less suffering than usual on this particular trip. there was of course the dreaded 48 hours trapped in a living room full of brian's relatives. but, somehow i braved it with more finesse than ever before. i guess im growing up.
also, i wasnt stressed at all about wasting time. thats the worst part of these trips - the feeling that my life is draining away. yet i was able to withstand the steady downpour of mundane smalltalk.
"guess who's pregnant?!!"
"guess who's engaged?!?!"
"guess who's dying of cancer?!?!"
"oh, they're gonna have trouble with those girls. those beautiful girls are going to give them trouble!"
"what does the diamond look like?"
"so, ritchie, did ya have to sell your car to pay for that ring?"
"oh, look, the baby just [smiled, moved, made a noise]"
"baby girl/boy, give your [auntie, uncle, cousin, granpa] a kiss!"
alright. so im probably just cynical because i grew up in tiny nuclear family.
i was getting maternal vibes from the babies. there were two sisters, 7 years old and 4. and there was a 3 year old boy with his 2 year old sister.
usually, i try to stay away from them. i just dont get that overwhelming feeling of joy and excitement that everyone else seems to. i find it annoying to have to change the pitch of my voice, so that people will say, "oh she's so good with kids." i get bored with the games the kids want to play with me. i get bored with asking them simple questions and listening to their simple answers.
but, they kinda grow on me, those kids. and then of course i feel like i want my own babies. and i think about the future, and wonder which path will ultimately make me the happiest. i see myself independent, childless, occupied with numerous hobbies and interests. but i also see myself very very happy with children.
BUT my kids would likely be totally weird. evidence? my own weirdness. the weirdness of my parents. the weirdness of my boyfriend, sister, and closest friends. the kids would be vegetarian. their parents would hate sports, popular music, and popular culture in general. they would have weird names.
BUT maybe my kids would be supercool. maybe they would be extra enlightened. maybe they would be radical, progressive, sensitive, artistic, productive, unique...
or maybe im full of shit.
ill just wait and see if an accident happens. its so much easier to yield to fate.
