2005-10-12 - 8:35 p.m.
i saw brian today in his dad's car. i stopped at a light, heard a beep, and turned to see his dad smiling at me from his car at my right.
behind his dad, i saw brian, also smiling, weakly. he seemed so small and whithered, like a ghost.
we've been talking and corresponding via email about once a week or so. mostly because i cave in and contact him. once though, i didn't contact him for 13 days, and he showed up at my door with a very long letter and stayed for several hours until i kicked him out.
he is so unhappy. he is emaciated. i don't understand why he won't let me help him or at least comfort him. it's like he wants to be 100% miserable. the purest miserable possible.
