2004-04-29 - 9:25 a.m.
only another week of UW for me! i cant believe it!
i have another 5 weeks at shabazz - but its so ridiculously easy, i certainly dont care.
at the end of last quarter, i was a bit overwhelmed. only because i had to do grades and written evaluations for my shabazz kids, on top of UW assignments, on top of the library job, and on top of Writing Fellows work. but at the end of this quarter, i have nothing to worry about besides the grades (and the library i suppose).
how did it get so easy so fast? is school this unrealistic? i suffered and scratched the skin of my shins with stress - only to find myself in this place where i can spend the morning feeding my oral fization with carrots and pretzels, and writing in my inappropriate online diary.
sometimes im hard on my kids. i tell them they have to learn to write well, they have to take notes. but i think all im really preparing them for is college. so the question is, is college the best and only way to prepare people for the real world? i dunno. being a teacher isnt exactly the most prestigious or ambitious of careers... i suppose liberal arts is a good prep for future professors, editors, writers, researchers, etc.
why didnt i just go to MATC? in and out in two years, doing something or another, stress free all along. this teaching thing is too good to be true. after all the pain, to just coast on a thread of intelligence and effort seems unimaginable.
today, we are going to discuss Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley. am i prepared? no. have i read the book in its entirety within the last year? no. am i going to rely on my thin thread of intelligence and faded memory to guide students into a flimsy understanding of the novel? yes.
today, we are also going to begin writing scholarship essays. have i ever written a scholarship essay? no. do i pretend to be the expert? in this classroom, yes.
ridiculous, ridiculous. so ridiculous!
so brian really is in love with me. how do i know? cah-uz he said he doesnt want me to work next year!! he said he wants me home at night. and he said he would pay my portion of the bills as necessary. sweet pickles! he said these things to me after a touching evening that consisted of the following:
1. i get home from the high school, and plop myself down in exhaustion, somewhere nearby brian.
2. brian and i coo and cuddle. various locations - couch, computer desk, eventually the living room floor.
3. we reminice and make fun of each other. i told him about the time i tilted the kitchen table during dinner in a desperate plea for attention, and he was in tears laughing.
4. @*&^@%! i have to leave for work.
5. at work i call brian, but he doesnt answer, so i leave a beckoning message.
6. he calls back, but on the line that is in the room where my boss is working. so i act vague and professional on the phone. brian is confused.
7. i quickly run to a different phone, away from evil authority figures, and call brian back, whispering i love you n such.
8. i get home from work, and we go grocery shopping. i make him kiss me a few times in the store. i get antsy and tell him to stop inspecting every olive oil label on the shelf.
9. on the drive home, i become convinced that brian actually loves me.
b "i dont want you to work next year. i can help with the money. i just want you home."
me (big pings and stars and happy faces - BIGGEST GRIN) "you DO? you want me to stay home? why?" (smiling huge)
b "cuz i like you to be at home and im sick of all this work shit."
me "you do! you DO! you love me! you want me to stay home and you love me!"
b smiles embarrassedly. we discuss logistics.
i make him make out with me in the car, but its too hot. so then i hug him forever outside our house. then we put the groceries away.
the end.
