2003-11-08 - 4:14 p.m.
rethinking the desire for babies, i realize how assinine the whole thing is. im so against people claiming ownership over their children, its really hypocritical of me to say i want a little person to hug and kiss. theres no guarantee any kid i had would even like me in the end, and i shouldnt expect them to.
im so sick of seeing pregnant girls at the high school. do they even know what it means to have a first grader in a household below the poverty line? dont they know how selfish and self-killing theyre being? in a town like madison, theres no good reason why so many girls are pregnant so early. contraception is handed out like candy, theres posters everywhere. its not like this is bumfuck oklahoma. these girls want to be mothers. they want it, and theyre happy about it, and that is so disturbing. they cant see what else to do with their lives.
i suppose there could be a date rape problem, and maybe they are all against abortion, but these girls are happy as hell to be pregnant, i know because i see them everyday.
if they have baby girls, its very likely those girls will have babies at sixteen too. i bet these girls have 30 year old mothers and 45 year old grandmothers. im not trying to express hate or bitterness towards people, im just so concerned about this cycle. and, god, if they have baby boys, without fathers or financial security or confidant mothers, those boys are going to be just like the boys who inseminated their mothers. gone.
its going to take a lot to convince myself that i should ever have children. what do i expect of these children id be having? what responsibilities would they have towards me? is that even fair? and jesus, what if i fuck up and ruin them and they hate me. when i think of all the things i blame my parents for, parenthood doesnt seem appealing at all.
what i need are some puppies. unconditional love! and i know how to take care of dogs. its pretty obvious what kinds of things make them happy. i can confidantly say that i wont be creating any bitterness or suffering through dog ownership. some of those breeds wouldnt know what to do with themselves, without people around, its so creepy what has been bred into them.
