2006-03-18 - 3:45 p.m.
it is the eve of my 4 month anniversary with eric. eric eric eric. lalalalala-eric!
so yes i really really really like this one. he makes me so happy. i mean he literally turns my frown upside down and inside out and splits my guts open on like a daily basis.
the other day he told me he wants to get a yellow lab. that won him about 100 billion million kristina-love points.
and the sex is so fucking good.
i think i want to keep him. he said several times that he wants kids. and once he talked about buying a house. so maybe he wants to get hitched and all that.
25 is kinda verging into adult territory. and i realized that i decided a long time ago that i want to be married and working on having kids at my ideal age of 27. thats 2 years away! so i might give myself another few years to get on that baby-making project, but maybe i could at least get the husband in time.
i want eric and i to be having our 6 or 9 or 12 month anniversary, because then we would be far enough along for me to feel secure. suddenly i am worrying about wasting my time with someone. i do have a 2 year deadline to keep in mind now. that didnt occur to me back when i was 19.
i think maybe i might be on the right path though. he has told me a million times that im especially good in bed. which i dont understand, considering my limited experience. but maybe its not so much number of partners that counts as it is number of sexual encounters.
and he tells me he loves me. and i dont think he throws that word around lightly.
and he asked me to live with him and said he'd been thinking about it since january. and, when he was drunk and filterless, he told me that i was unlike anyone he's ever been with before.
so i really hope im not going to be disappointed by all this. i try to look at things moment by moment, but the ending seems to color the whole experience. i cant even talk to the ex without feeling sick. i cant say, wow think of all the good times, because the bad ending colors it all.
